No Congestion Charge For Aberdeen

We're delighted to note that our Aberdonian right to drive as much as we damned well please in the city-centre is to continue unimpeded, at least for the next 5 years - Hooray! And quite bloody right too!

Vibrant

Our council, as you may know, is in financial dire straits and is seeking efficiency improvements, service cuts and new revenue-generation streams to stave off looming bankruptcy. So it was with great trepidation that we clicked open the final draft report on the council's budgeting priorities, for we knew that the implementation of a congestion charge for Aberdeen was in the mix.

The budget document PDF is here.

Imagine our relief when we read that the implementation of a congestion charge for Aberdeen is expressly ruled out! Yes indeed, rather than place a greater burden on the (albeit broad) shoulders of the hard-pressed tax-farmed family motorist going about his lawful business on the streets and pavements of Aberdeen, our council have shown that they know how to prioritise for growth and have instead chosen to recommend the following sources of saving:

• Increasing primary schools class sizes by up to 45% (recommended maximum number of pupils in p3 to be increased from 18 to 33)
• Sacking pupil support assistants
• Shutting five primary and two secondary schools
• Reducing services for the homeless
• Stopping day care for mentally ill people
• Closing re-cycling centres
• Closure of parks and gardens throughout the city, selling the land.

Measures also considered, but down the list of priorities are the closure of all 16 community libraries and the closure of all museums and art galleries for one year. We say that these measures should be implemented immediately. Who needs to read books when you've got Sky Movies3D? And Aberdeen simply does not need the arts. What are "the arts" for, anyway? Sponging subsidies, as far as we can see. All these measures are in addition to those previously implemented which have already had a severe impact upon the provision of services to physically and mentally handicapped people, including children.

But - best of all - is the council's stated aspiration to "Reduce then Stop School Crossing Patrols". Thank goodness for that! Because these so-called "Lollipop Ladies" are nothing but an impediment to traffic flow as we important motorists speed about our business creating economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire". It is vital that we are allowed to drive about as much as we damned-well please unimpeded by these busybodies, because Aberdeen's vitality is the engine which will pull UK plc out of recession and lots of motorists driving around Aberdeen is the main contributor to and signifier of that vitality. Lollipop Ladies must not stand in our way! They must be swept into the dustbin of history!

Not only that, but the removal of Lollipop Ladies will also teach our schoolchildren a vital lesson. That lesson being that walking is a dangerous activity for losers only, and makes you look as if you are a member of the underclass. When the Lollipop Ladies are gone, no parent will dare allow their child to walk to school, because it will be seen as being tantamount to child abuse to expose them to such danger! What a relief that all this nonsense about so-called active and sustainable travel and walking to school has been put to bed once and for all!

As a final treat for the deserving motorist, the council has also signalled its extreme reluctance to follow Scottish Government recommendations that Parking Charge Notices (tickets) be increased to £80 - £100.

We commend our council for their pro-motoring anti-everything else stance in these troubled economic times. They are sending out all the right messages; by getting rid of impediments to traffic flow, by ruling out extra charges for blameless family motorists, and by severely punishing the non-motoring underclass they demonstrate that they know a thing or to about getting out of the way of business - particularly when that business involves increasing the demand for petrol - this town's only possible priority. It is perfectly right that our council should seek to victimise the marginalised, the poor, the young, the sick, the homeless, the mentally ill, the handicapped and the elderly - for these people don't usually have cars, and so tend not to be as important as people who drive a lot.

Economic Vitality